I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
