That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
