Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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