everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
