just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
