I think my vagina is haunted
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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