Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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