Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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