The maid of honor just puked.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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