you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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