Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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