So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
