Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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