Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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