i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
