Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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