the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
did i just pee glitter
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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