does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
