Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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