As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
