did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
