I can text with my tongue
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
