Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
