God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize