I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
