Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
