We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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