New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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