What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
