How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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