ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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