Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
