Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
