i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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