On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
