Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
