Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
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I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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