I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
