if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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