So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
