well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
