Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
