apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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