i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
