she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
