I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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