I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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