My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
