Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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