I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
