i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
