stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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