He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
