So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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