Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
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Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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