today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
