My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
