On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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