I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
