did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
