Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
