If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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