Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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