Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
