I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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