Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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