oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
