ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
