hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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