It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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