He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
