Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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