he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
pray to the hookup gods
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
