i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
