so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
