Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
