I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
