I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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