walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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