im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
