I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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