Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
