I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
