Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
