I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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