my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
