I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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